#2: How to be the mom that your kids and their friends seek advice from - Talia Jackson
Talia Jackson is a relationship therapist with 18 years of practice and the host of the podcast "We are not fine “ where she and her co host explore the ins and outs of relationships while having so much fun.
Talia is the most considerate, warm and inviting person. Talking to her was like a healing therapy session.
Some of the topics we touched upon are how to have a good relationship with your teens so you are able to have influence and give guidance, how to be the mom that they and their friends come and seek advice from. When and how to educate the kids about intimate relationships and more juicy stuff.
As usual, at the end of the episode I give you the takeaways from our conversation to help you put the ideas into practice. Enjoy!
To connect with Talia:
We're Not Fine Podcast
IG: drtaliajackson
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Takeaways:
- The only way to give our children the guidance they need, is to have a trusting relationship. They will tell us everything, they just need to know that they can bring anything to the table and we won’t overreact and we won’t judge. We can’t just say “Don’t do this!”. But we can share with them what makes us worried and how the same thing can be done safely.
- Raise your kids in a relationship-oriented way rather than a punitive way. If there’s a good relationship, there isn’t a lot of rule-breaking behavior
- Kids listen to you when you tell them your reasoning. When you take the time to explain your why, It helps them feel respected, seen and heard. It also helps them trust that you know what you are talking about.
- To encourage your children to share more readily ask open-ended questions, preferably on a topic you already know something about, ask a follow up question. It takes so much of the pressure of having to start a conversation. You can also use talking point cards at dinner time or play a game like two truths and a lie or share highlights, lowlights and funnies.
- We get to influence the way our children feel about themselves and their self-talk by celebrating their natural gifts and narrating how we want them to be. For example when you say to your son “You are so kind. That thing you did made this person’s day. It could have been the tiniest bit kind, a one out of 10 kind, but he’ll start connecting in his head that if he makes these tiny gestures he is really kind.
- When educating kids about intimate relationships, the rule of thumb is : if they ask you a question they are ready to hear the answer. You might not need to go into graphic details, most of the time they are really curious about biology and science.Let them lead. Be open to the conversations that they are wanting to have.
- We all make mistakes. If you made a mistake, own it, apologize. That repair is much more important than if you messed up or not. Your kids are going to learn that it’s ok to make mistakes and that what’s important is what you do after that.
- Be a safe place for them to tell you when something you are doing doesn’t feel right to them. We want to raise children that feel emotionally safe to say that their feelings are hurt.
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