#17: Helping siblings get along - 10 tips for dealing with sibling conflict
Does mentioning the word sibling rivalry trigger an immediate and intense reaction for you? Does the dynamic between your children produce high levels of stress in your home? Trust me, you're not alone!
It could be the competition between the kids, the envy that one child feels for the accomplishments of the other, the resentment that each of them feels for the privileges of the other or simply the personal frustrations that they don’t dare let out on anyone else but their brother or sister. If you can recognise your family along these lines, Trust me, you're not alone. Sibling conflict is an undeniable part of growing up with brothers or sisters.
And yet we can do more than just wait for things to get better on their own. In this episode I would like to explore ways we can survive our kids' quarrels and even turn them into valuable learning opportunities. I will give you a framework for dealing with them effectively. It’s not something I came up with, the method has been around, I’m combining a few resources I have used throughout the years that help me get a better understanding of and deal with the heated arguments that inevitably arise.
Resources:
www.upbringing.co
Siblings without Rivalry by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
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Takeaways:
- Conflict can feel uncomfortable but it’s natural and it’s a byproduct of existing with others. A happy and successful family doesn’t always get along. No relationship is without struggle.
- Our responsibility as parents is not to control the dynamic and determine the outcomes of our kids’ struggles with one another. Our job is to support them in acquiring problem solving skills while establishing and holding personal boundaries.
- Don’t intervene until you have to, let them practice the skills they already have.
- Calm yourself before getting involved.
- Reflect what you see.
- Listen with empathy and validate their big feelings.
- Hold space for everyone’s needs and voices to be heard.
- Show appreciation for the difficulty of the problem.
- Involve kids in finding a solution.
- Remember, kids are doing the best they can. Conflict is an opportunity for us all to learn and practice problem solving skills. Our main goal is connection.
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