Guiding Preteens Through Change: Practical Communication for Parents with Marcus Higgs [68]
In this episode, we sit down with Marcus Aurelius Higgs, a communication coach for parents of preteens (ages 10-14). Marcus helps parents strengthen their relationship with their children during these crucial formative years. Through his “SHOW UP Framework,” Marcus provides parents with practical tools to foster a strong identity, open communication, and a collaborative, growth-centered family dynamic.
During our conversation, Marcus dives deep into the developmental changes that occur during the preteen years, highlighting why many parents find this stage challenging. He explains the three main stress points preteens face: identity building, mistrust, and emotional regulation, and how parents can best support their children through these challenges.
We also explore the role of peers, community, and technology in shaping a child's identity and discuss actionable steps parents can take to build resilience and encourage their child’s independence while maintaining a strong connection.
Whether you’re navigating the preteen stage now or preparing for it, this episode offers valuable advice on how to guide your child through these transformative years with confidence and compassion.
Key Points:
Developmental Changes in Preteens
- Preteens go through significant identity shifts, emotional changes, and trust exploration. They are not children but not yet adults, creating stress in navigating these roles.
- Their emotions are more intense due to hormonal changes, making it crucial for parents to be present and trustworthy to help them navigate this turbulent time.
Strategies for Parents
- **Strong Identity**: Parents should help their children develop a sense of identity by acknowledging their virtues and values. This fosters self-awareness and confidence.
- **Peer Influence**: While peer influence is inevitable, surrounding children with positive role models and community figures is vital.
- **Family Culture**: Establish a family culture that reinforces core values. Phrases like "In our family, we do things this way" help instill a sense of belonging and identity.
The SHOW UP Framework
- **S**: Start with a Strong Identity (helping children understand their virtues and values).
- **H**: Hold Space for Collaboration (allowing children to engage in critical thinking and problem-solving).
- **O**: Open Up Communication (promoting open, value-driven conversations).
- **W**: Wonder and Explore Together (engaging in long-term, self-directed projects).
- **UP**: Unveil Potential (celebrating growth and progress).
Resilience
- Encourage children to do hard things to build resilience. Support them without taking control, and celebrate small wins to build their confidence in facing challenges.
- Normalize failure as part of growth and help children embrace effort and persistence over perfection.
Digital Challenges
- Social media and digital exposure can shape children’s self-worth, leading to anxiety when their identities are tied to digital feedback. Setting boundaries and guiding children to find their value outside of social media is crucial.
Open Communication & Attachment
For parents without secure attachment, working on self-awareness and healing is important. Addressing past trauma and reframing how they see their story helps them show up more confidently for their kids.
Repair and Reconnection
When conflicts arise, it's essential to model curiosity and problem-solving rather than control. Repairing the relationship with empathy allows children to try again and feel supported.
Marcus emphasizes that parenting, especially during the preteen years, is as much about parents' growth as it is about their children’s development. By understanding these principles, parents can foster stronger bonds and healthier communication with their kids.
MORE FROM BILLY
FREE resources:
Connection Blueprint: 5 simple and effective tools to strengthen the connection with your child
Parent-Child Communication Guide : 10 Secrets to Stronger Bonds
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